The Courage to Be Real: Therapy and the Work of Self-Acceptance

For much of my life, I trained myself to be someone others would like. It was a survival strategy. if I could be agreeable, helpful, or even self-sacrificing, maybe I’d feel safe and valued. But beneath that was a quieter truth: what I longed for most wasn’t others’ approval, but a way to feel at home in myself.

Learning to Let Go of “Being Liked”

Therapy, both as a client and a therapist, has taught me that real connection doesn’t come from trying to control how others see us. It comes from showing up honestly, even if that means risking someone else’s disapproval. In my own experiences of being in group therapy, I noticed how strongly I wanted to win the approval of the other members. The more I chased being “liked,” the less authentic I became.

The turning point came when I allowed myself to share feelings I had long hidden. My fears, doubts, even anger. Sometimes that honesty led to uncomfortable moments. Sometimes it stirred up reactions in others. But surprisingly, it also created more profound closeness. I discovered that being genuine, even when it feels risky, opens the door to connection far more than polishing a version of myself to please others.

Family Echoes and the Work of Awareness

Much of this tendency came from my family system. Growing up with authoritarian parenting meant affection was often tied to performance and compliance. Love felt conditional. Those dynamics don’t simply disappear with age; they echo in how we relate to others as adults.

Practices That Keep Me Grounded

What allows me to show up authentically for clients is the work I continue to do with myself. I meditate daily to reconnect with the present moment. I write every morning to clear the clutter of judgment and anxiety. I journal at night to honor the small, ordinary beauty of life. I move my body at the gym, not just for health, but to release emotions stuck in muscles and memory. I take up hobbies as a beginner to remind myself of the importance of humility and the joy of learning without needing to be perfect.

These practices keep me rooted, reminding me that growth isn’t about being flawless; instead, it’s about being honest, open, and willing to keep learning.

Cultivating a Garden for Growth

We can think of therapy as tending a garden. We each carry weeds, old defenses, patterns, or fears that can choke out our growth. My role isn’t to pull those weeds for you, but to help create the conditions where you can notice them, work with them, and choose what to cultivate instead. With care, attention, and patience, new possibilities begin to grow.

If you’ve spent too much of your life trying to be “liked” or managing how others see you, therapy can be a place to practice a different way of being. A place where the measure of safety isn’t approval, but authenticity, and where you can begin to feel at home in yourself. If you'd like to have a free, no pressure consultation call, please contact me.